Really Screaming on the Inside

well i stopped blogging. so many reasons so much time...

there was a little domestic squabbling and then there were the three years of back taxes and that enormous To Do List but i got through those things and i still couldn't write.

i'm apoplectic

i really am screaming on the inside.

i think part of the problem with growing up as a military brat is that there was always this knowledge that every three years i would move and have this opportunity to start over, clean the slate and remake myself. it was truly the only upside. the downside was the extistential angst that came from feeling like everyone but my immediate family died every three years -- or the puppets were put back in their boxes and new puppets were taken out.

but that upside. it was not unlike being born again without all the smiling. it does ingrain this pattern of running away and tendency toward escapism that i would imagine could lead one to drug abuse or alcoholism ... maybe? who knows. for me it's creating this huge anxiety because i'm wondering where the hell i'm going to run to now that we are truly living in a banana republick.

yep. that's what i said.

don't believe me? check out these sites:

this one will tell you about the Florida Dept. of Law Enforcement dropping in on elderly black folks to ask them about their get-out-the-vote efforts (i used the der spiegel link since the ny times link might need a subscription)

meanwhile, if you've ever demonstrated against the president or the war or plan to demonstrate or thought about demonstrating or know anyone who is demonstrative you might want to make sure your doorbell's in working order too. looks like the FBI's dropping in on "political demonstrators" too. (again, here's the alternate nytimes link)

i would go on but i'm just so proud to be an american right now that i can't stand it