Cassandra should be a Republican

way back in 2004 dutchman and i were doing our part for the cause by donating our talents to a late night political comedy lampooning the still current admonistration. i revere playwrights and i only add lines with their permission, so when i got to add the little jab in italics below i was delighted. Here's the scene:

(Lights dim. A young woman enters, dressed provacatively.)

GWB
Who's that?

Laura
Oh, they're'll be temptations

along the way. Things to make you lose your way.

(W. approaches the Siren)

Siren
Can I offer you a one-night stand that will tarnish your legacy?

(W. looks to Laura for guidance)

Laura
That would be a no, dear.

GWB
Okay, then. (He turns to Siren) No.

Siren
Suit yourself. (She walks away)

GWB
How was that?

Laura
Not good. She's an independent. You have to get her vote even though you can never give her what she wants.

GWB
Ohhh.... (He calls out to the Siren) Miss?

(The Siren stops)

Siren
Yes?

GWB
Nothing personal. I'm not much for snatch. Can I offer you a middle class tax cut?

Siren
Will it offer me no real relief from my financial woes and keep the deficit growing at a record pace?

GWB
I believe it will.

Siren
No thanks. (She exits.)

GWB
(To Laura) What happened?

Laura
She asked you a direct question and you answered her.

GWB
What should I have done?

Laura
Answer her question with a question. Quote facts and figures from obscure sources. Change the subject. Use the numbers 9 and 11. I swear sometimes I think it's your first day on the job...

and scene!

so why is cassandra all puffed up about her political hackery abilities. well just get yo'self over to here. it appears that i'm not far off from the real hacks' strategeries! for example:

Without the context of 9-11, you will be blamed for the deficit. The deficit is a touchy subject for both Republicans and Democrats - your supporters are inherently turned off to the idea of fiscal irresponsibility, and Democrats see nothing but hypocrisy. The trick then is to contextualize the deficit inside of 9-11 and the war in Iraq, which Republicans sometimes do, but not early enough in the answer.

TRICK indeed! for more tricks of the trade -- the trade of ripping off poor folks in the name of patriotism, that is -- you can check out the Frank Luntz Republican Playbook via Democratic Underground.