Escape From LA

We are actually going to try and dodge the Apocalypse.

My wife is scared that terrorists are going to strike Los Angeles before or during the election, either with suicide bombers or the big one- a nuclear weapon.

So we're going to leave town for the week before the election.

Are we nuts? I ask myself this, but then I start to think...

We were in New York on 9/11. We know terrorism happens. We saw it with our own two eyes. Out our window. We didn't suffer directly like a lot of people. But we were "terrorized." We were in a city under attack.

So if we feel like timing a well-earned vacation with an Orange-alert, who can blame us?

The crazy thing is, we're going to be in TEXAS for the week running up to the election.

Am I fucking insane? We will be staying in the home of a Fox-Watching Dittohead, too.

I AM fucking insane.

(Disclaimer: this Dittohead is otherwise a great guy. We believe he might have a brain tumor that has altered his personality.)

I will be biting my lip IN HALF in those sure-to-be intense FINAL DAYS.

Anything can happen in this election. This group of ReaganNixon-ite Jesus Freak Neo-Con Death Jockeys have BALLS. The bad kind of BALLS. Not the "Let's Roll" kind of balls, but the "I ain't showin up for my physical. What are they gonna do? My daddy's George Bush, motherfucker" kind of balls. The DUMB kind.

Sure- they'll steal it again. Actually, what ever they are going to do, they've already done. People started "early voting" today. On those touchscreen machines.

Poof. There go all the Kerry votes. (DELETED! -Strong Bad.)

We'll be going to Meteor Crater, AZ. And Oatman, AZ, named for Olive Oatman, a poor woman whose family was murdered before her eyes by Indians, was sold into slavery, and who was disfigured before returning to her people. So of course, they've named a tourist-trap roadhouse after her. (She never even lived in the area.)

And the meteor crater? Well why not- let's see the footprint of a previous apocalyptic event. The footprint left by an ENORMOUS EXPLOSION.

If we're right, and all of our friends die in LA, and we have to keep on living, in Texas, in the America that dawns after that horrific moment...

Am I fucking insane?


Originally published at the Dodging the Apocalypse '04 Headquarters. As if you cared.



"A country that hides something is a country that is afraid of getting caught. . . ."
GW Bush April 13, 2004