OK, OK, no more maps... but just one more thought...

I was never afraid of dogs... I grew up with them and around them and though I respected them and wouldn't go willy nilly into the face of a strange one, I wasn't afraid of them... That was, until I moved to the country. Then everything changed.

Dogs in the country are different.

City dogs would never lunge at you or growl all the time or keep you from passing them on the sidewalk... I mean, they might try, but then they'd be a psycho dog and they'd be ostracized and muzzled and kept out of the doggie park and sent to obedience school or a doggie therapist or put on Prozac or something... Something would have to be done because anti-social doggie behavior just ain't cool, man.. and quite frankly, you, the owner, end up looking like a jerk, too, so you better do something about it.

But, like I said, country dogs are different.

Country dogs can be real assholes. They can do all of the shitty behaviors described above and get rewarded for it. Why? Because they're territorial. They're guarding shit. You're a fucking stranger and you better keep off their land or away from their truck or just out of the fucking way. Bark, motherfucker, bark! You heard me! BARK! ... They may also be jerks because their owners are less likely to take care of them when they're in need... like in need of care or warmth or shelter. In Texas, where I come from, it's often just a given that "dogs belong outside." Who cares if it's freezing rain or 100+ degrees outside. They're animals... They can handle it... A friend of mine who's a vet tech was telling me that it's way fashionable to have Chows in Dallas. Chows have big thick coats. Dallas is hot. She says pet owners are morons. She's from California originally. She's having trouble adjusting...

Anyway, as I've been saying, I've been obsessing on maps and populations and trends and civil wars and BIG GIANT EMPTY RED STATES and LITTLE TINY CROWDED BLUE CITIES and I was thinking about how I believe that us city folk may be little more tolerant of other peoples' choices and different cultures because we rub shoulders with folks more often. We share sidewalks and subways and intersections and breakfast places with people who look different than us -- sometimes downright strange -- sometimes they even speak a completely different language all around us in our own neighborhood. It causes confusions sometimes. Sometimes it even causes anger and/or frustration. But if we want to stay in the city we better chill or else we'll be the psycho dog. And then we'll either have to shape up or ship out.



City Dog


Country Dog


To be continued... Next, Grover Norquist compares the Democratic minority in Congress to neutered animals and says they will get along much better once they accept their subordination... STAY TUNED!