Friday, January 23, 2004

Screaming at the Radio

I just got off the phone with the Free Speech Show. The conversation went something like this:

FSP: Next we have "Jane" from Hollywood. J what do you have to say about this situation with the president.

J: Well I’ll tell you why Bush reminds you of that creepy evangelist Tilton. Because they both run their companies or country like a pyramid scheme.

FSP: You’re right, they work to get their rich cronies richer. Do you know this guy Tilton?

J: Oh, yeah. I’m from there. Tilton is the head of the Fort Worth / Dallas Bible college. My born-again, drug-dealing boyfriend from high school ended up going there.


FSP: Did he deal to Tilton?

J: Oh, I don’t know about that, but he was completely unreliable. I never knew when I was going to be able to buy pot from him because he kept vacillating between being a dealer and then getting Jesus. But he always came back around to the pot.

FSP: Well, J, tell us how you are doing better under George Bush. What has improved for you in the last four years.

J: Oh, I don’t know… I guess the fear, yeah the fear has gotten really good.


FSP: Yeah, the fear! The adrenaline.

J. Yeah the adrenaline is really pumping. It’s Scare-obics! I should be losing weight. My heart beat has definitely raised, I’m breathing heavier. This is major cardio!


J: I mean the thing is, like I said, I’m from Texas. I can recognize the type. George Bush is a country club bully. He’s the kind of rich kid that goes around being a dick but daddy bails him out all the time and pays for his mistakes -- but usually those guys don’t succeed. Something’s wrong here!

FSR: Yeah, if this were Caddyshack he would be the Ted Knight character.

J: Yeah. I know this is going to make me sound crazy but it’s almost like some time traveller has come from the future and changed something so that he would be president. It’s freakish, the path that we’ve taken. It’s like a tear in the space-time continuum.


FSR: Hey that doesn’t sound crazy.

J: Really? Well now I’m scared of you guys. See the fear is definitely improving.


J: The other thing about Bush that I can’t take: I can listen to him on the radio but I can’t stand to watch him on television because I can’t stand to have someone look at me and lie to my face.