Friday, December 31, 2004

I don't know what to say...

found in the comments on

"I think 350 million is a bit much, to be honest. A dollar goes a LONG way over there. What would they be needing with a BILLION dollars of relief? More huts? and I know I'm sounding somewhat cruel, but wouldn't it be a lot more humane to get those people airlifted OUT of there? A ticket to any other country on the planet? Giving them food and water might help save them today, but there is no infrastructure left there in so many areas. Why isn't anyone looking at just getting them OUT of there? Wouldn't it really be better for those people to give them a ticket and a fresh start somewhere else? We sure have the money to do THAT for them now....Get them out of their daily misery, instead of wasting man hours and money trying to live in a giant junk yard with no facilities and no infrastructure; nothing but disease, pestilence and months if not years ahead of them to get it cleaned up. I say, with the trauma they've already suffered, and being left with nothing anyway, set them up somewhere else, where at least they can have some comfort and daily basics of life."

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Is God A Terrorist?

Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able?
Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing?
Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing?
Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing?
Then why call him God?
-- Epicurus

A new danger emerged Tuesday: the floods uprooted land mines in Sri Lanka - a nation torn by a decades-old war with Tamil separatists in the north. The mines now threatened aid workers and survivors, UNICEF said.

Then there was a radio news broadcast on a Fox/Clearchannel station this morning that said that a lightning strike had knocked out the radio dispatch service of all of Los Angeles' police. You could still reach 911 but the dispatchers were having to call the cop cars by cell phones. Hmm. Can't find any mention of that on the web at all. Now either Fox/Clearchannel is just full of shit, which is highly likely, or someone told them to shut the fuck up since that's not something the police chief would like to have broadcast. In either case, it's just the kind of thing the terrorists would do if they could master lightning strikes... but only god can do that... right?

And then there's all those winter storms that forced all those thousands of travellers to miss jesus' birthday. Which probably means that if god is a terrorist, He is probably not the god we thought he was, not our god. Maybe all those muslims were right. Maybe their god is the Right God.

Back to Epicurus:

If God listened to the prayers of men, all men would quickly have perished: for they are forever praying for evil against one another.

Monday, December 27, 2004

Merry Christmas to All and to All a Good Luck! (because nobody's looking out for ya kid)

Nearly 900 children have lost a parent in Iraq
By LISA HOFFMAN and ANNETTE RAINVILLE Scripps Howard News ServiceDecember 15, 2004

Sad to the depths of his 4-year-old soul, Jack Shanaberger knew what he didn't want to be when he grows up: a father.

"I don't want to be a daddy because daddies die," the child solemnly told his mother after his father, Staff Sgt. Wentz "Baron" Shanaberger, a military policeman from Fort Pierce, Fla., was killed March 23 in an ambush in Iraq.


Sunday, December 26, 2004

I Want To Be A Ukrainian!*

"Yushchenko spoke after three exit polls and partial results projected him winning easily in Sunday's Supreme Court-ordered rematch."

Do you think we could get one of those rematch thingies?

*Sing to the tune of "I Want to Be In America!"**

**Please sing it with the original lyrics in mind not these terrifyingly manipulated, rewritten, all-american, whitey white white christian lyrics! Boo! AAAH!

Saturday, December 25, 2004

Star Wars Holiday Special

i am not a star wars fan but i do live with one. and being an actor, i happened to have played a rebel pilot on a small screen at one time in my past.

i thought that since i was a rebel, i was a bad guy. this did not thrill the rabid fan in my life. it was not just.

so this christmas night i found myself watching a newly minted bootleg of THE STAR WARS CHRISTMAS SPECIAL from 1978

or maybe it was 77. or 79. i refuse to learn the stats. my life is awash with starwarstats. when i am FORCEd to ask a question for clarification of the "STAR WARS UNIVERSE," i insist that the answer be provided in 25 words or less. if you are attached to a geekstar, try it. they just might enjoy the challenge. it's a win win...

but tonight was unexpectedly upsetting. i settled in with two hard core star wars insider types. i thought we might hoot or holler a bit. but it was much more disturbing...

i was nauseated. not by some moral, political thing -- like i usually am -- but more like car-sickness. it was so surreal. such cognitive dissonance of a sort. the pacing so slow and meaningful and guileless. and my judgment so cynical and jaded. peering in on this touching wookie family drama while knowing the little i do of what would become of the Empire just didn't feel right. the star wars washed-up-drug-addled-actors and cheap-junk-"collectibles"-merchandising-bonanzapalooza Empire, that is. it was just too much to take. i felt like a nasty, dirty, evil, nauseated voyeur.

chewbacca's family

we get to know the wookie family intimately. maybe too intimately. a constant saccharine muzak soundtrack dictates sympathy for the family in spite of the visage of a frightening, white haired, seemingly retarded deaf mute grandpa(ma?)'s with a gummy, drooling mouth. then mama wookie hooks grandpa(ma?) wookie up to some type of pleasure helmet cum virtual reality CUM PORN MACHINE featuring dianne carroll (JULIA!) performing either the very first phone sex script ever or an oral interpretation of some XXX version of Alice in Wonderland... Alice 'n WonderGland?... and that's when the camera kind of stays on an awkward head and shoulder shot of grandpa(ma), never venturing below the armpits. makes you kind of wonder what's going on below the frame. is s/he moving her/his arms? is s/he doing something with his/her hands? is s/he doing something bad? like, maybe something that should be done in private? but s/he's doing it right there in the middle of the living room! what else is gummy and drooly on that costume? AAAAAAGH!

this was baaaaaaaad, folks. scaaaaaaaary bad. bad bad. bad bad bad. traumatizing. be warned.

and i haven't even told you about the vaudeville sketches by harvey korman and art carney juxtaposed with psuedo-psychedelic shabby-chic 70's cirque du soleil acrobats and JEFFERSON STARSHIP/AIRPLANE singing something "spacey." or BEA ARTHUR'S SINGING BARMAID NUMBER in the cantina to the tune of STAR WARS! i think the words are "BAR'S CLOSED!" try it!

-- i just asked the geekstar what the fucking name of the cantina is: M-O-S E-I-S-L-E-Y cantina. give me a break! what the world could do with those beautiful brain cells, honey!


Friday, December 24, 2004


I don't remember who said it first but it's a great saying:

Christmas is the time of year that the Republicans get to act like Democrats!

Don't believe me? Check out the Text of President Georgie Porgie Greedy-fuck Bush's Christmas 2004 message:

The Christmas season fills our hearts with gratitude for the many blessings in our lives. With those blessings comes a responsibility to reach out to others. Many of our fellow Americans still suffer from the effects of illness or poverty. Others fight cruel addictions, cope with division in their families, or grieve the loss of a loved one.

Christmastime reminds each of us that we have a duty to love our neighbor just as we would like to be loved ourselves. By volunteering our time and talents where they are needed most, we help heal the sick, comfort those who suffer, and bring hope to those who despair.

Still don't believe me?

Well what kind of commie, pinko FAG bullshit is this:

... Celebrations provide an opportunity to focus on the importance of family, community, and history, and to reflect on ... unity, self-determination, collective work and responsibility, cooperative economics, purpose, creativity, and faith.

And what is the Moron-in-Chief talking about there, the fucking socialist? Well, my dears, that was the Text of Bush's Kwanzaa 2004 Message .

What the hell does he mean by "cooperative economics?" And while we're at it, what about "collective work?"

You know what I say? CRUCIFY HIM!

And hey, guess what, you hateful, cruel, meanspirited dumbfuck-in-charge? I do all of those things even when it's not christmas! Is that what jesus taught you? Only do good works in his name on the fucking holidays? Preferably when everybody is looking? I DON'T THINK SO!

Happy Solstice! The light is now visible at the end of tunnel. Walk do not run.

Thursday, December 23, 2004

D is for Denialogue, Draft, DUH!

'Washington Post' Reconsiders 'Postwar' Label

By Editors &Publishers Staff
Published: December 05, 2004 10:00 AM ET

NEW YORK Mop-up operation or a raging war? Occupation or liberation? The press has long been divided on what to call the current conflict in Iraq. The Washington Post, for one, is re-considering its most prominent label: postwar.

Shiver me fucking timbers! REALLY? ARE YOU SURE? OH MY GOD! WE'RE STILL AT WAR! WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? DID THE PRESIDENT LIE TO ME WHEN HE SAID THE WAR WAS OVER? OH NO! I HOPE NOBODY I KNOW GETS HURT. hmmm i don't really care about all those other folks i don't know, just the ones i do know... and the ones i like.... i guess those liberals could die... they don't support the troops like i do... OH NO WHAT ABOUT THE TROOPS! THEY ARE STILL FIGHTING? THE WAR ISN'T OVER? OH MAN, THIS IS HORRIBLE. THOSE POOR PEOPLE!

Just trying to imaging the inner denialogue that you fucking repuglicunt morons must be rattling around inside your tiny little brains. Keep arguing with yourself. Let's just hope you can keep it going long enough to not notice when your very own children are drafted. But I'm sure that will never happen. That's years from now. And you have a daughter, right? Surely they won't draft her. Right? Sure, they won't.

Keep that denialogue going, buddy. The press, the liberal media, like O'Reilly and Hannity and Coulter and Rush and Medved and Ingraham and Praeger and Hewitt and Carlson and Savage and -- well, I don't have cable TV so I don't know all the liberal, elite media types, just the ones who work on the free, plebian, affordable radio -- will help you out.

Friday, December 17, 2004

The Narrator that Ruined Christmas

It's that time of year again! And no Patriot Actor site would be cheerfully complete without that post-ironic age old tradition of snuggling in for the annual viewing of The Narrator that Ruined Christmas:

Originally aired back in the time before the war, this family special was created for Saturday Night Live in 2001. Little did we know that the sentiment would be eternal, just like the war. Awwwwwwwwww...

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like the Apocalypse!

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

The River of God

I am an atheist. No matter how hard I try, I cannot buy the notion of an omniscient personality, that supreme talkshow host who decides how much time we get on the proverbial big screen.

However, when trying to comprehend the greater of life's questions, the closest I get to envisioning and embracing an idea of god is the idea of a river; some sort of energy or force that flows through mankind. And we, in these incarnated, corporeal beings, live along the banks. We can choose to tend to the river or pollute it, but being human, we do need water for sustenance. And clean, pure water is a thing of beauty. So what we put into the river is what we draw out. "Do unto others," "treat thy neighbor as thyself," it's my understanding that this is the one principle found in every religion.

So I guess, if I were a theist, I would be a river worshipper.

And George Fucking Bush has assembled a supreme bunch of right wing assoles to run the EPA, the Environmental PROTECTION Agency, who thinks this is OK:

EPA May Allow the Discharge of Partially Treated Sewage -- Guidelines That Are Near Release Would Permit Blended Waste

By Juliet Eilperin Washington Post
Staff Writer Thursday, December 9, 2004; Page A03

The Environmental Protection Agency is close to issuing new guidelines making it easier for sewage authorities to dump partially treated wastewater during heavy rainfalls, according to documents obtained by The Washington Post... full article

Listening to Nancy Stoner, director of the Clean Water Project at the Natural Resources Defense Council discuss this on Today's Al Franken show, we just kept asking "WHY?" Nancy was describing ways to protect yourself from polluted waters that threaten the old, young and the immunosuppressed (filter your drinking water and hold your head above water when you're swimming!).

Well, I know what's going on, it's not that hard to figure out... the rich think they can buy their way out of this -- and probably make a buck or two off the thirsty poor at the same time. (I've been screaming 'bout this one for awhile-- hence my name).

Sooner or later, we'll come to our senses and realize that FDR had the right idea. That infrastructure that he built with the unemployed masses (who were starving and exploited by the first generation of robber barons) is now crumbling. It can be rebuilt with the new labor force of Americans looking for work and their piece of the pie. If we can just stop the rich asshole upstream from pissing in the river before it's too late for all of us ...

Monday, December 13, 2004

i'm still here

I haven't written in a while. But I'm still here. And I'm not going anywhere. And I've been thinking. A lot.


You're looking for a scapegoat but we're not it. Look in the fucking mirror. There was a time when we would have given you sympathy and a soft place to land when you came to your fucking senses. But that time has passed.


And when you finally run out of your miserable excuses for the hell you've wrought and can no longer live in the pathetic sewer of denial that you excrete, don't come looking for a handout of goodwill from this blue-stater.

Your ignorance has perverted my humanity.

I don't know how much longer I can be trusted. (This is not a threat. This is a lament.)

And it's your fucking fault.

Fuck you.

Fuck you.

Fuck you.


My American Dream by the Naked Trucker and T-Bones with the Dickaround Gang

From the Presidents on Mount Rushmore,
To the canyon they call Grand
The golden spike on that railroad track
Connecting this great land
Postcards from places and downloaded jpegs
Of women who just turned eighteen
These are some snapshots from
Our American Dream (blow, T-Bones)

Puttin' on some pants for temple or church
But freeballin', goin' commando
Takin' Polaroids of a model in a motel
In the valley of San Fernando
Rocky Mountain oysters, Boston Crème pies
And toothpaste from Tom's of Maine
Peeking through a window at a neighbor in the tub
Without them callin' the cops again

In my American Dream
It's the faces and the places all across this great big land
It's a wallet-sized photo of a man and a woman makin’ love in the back of a van
It's the waitress, the postman, the leggy drum majorette
All waving hello!
And a smile on a stranger's face in a truck stop men's room
Winkin' through a glory hole

(Hi friend, can I come in? Got change for a five? Yep.)

Sittin' on a porch in Kansas doin’ Locker Room
Eatin' some rhubarb pie
Makin' out hard with the Mardis Gras lady
Findin' out-what the?- she's a guy!
(Who knew? Who cares!)
Doin' some shrooms with an Oregon hippie
Tea-baggin', and makin' iced tea
A super-hot stripper wins the Colorado lotto
Leaves her biker boyfriend just for me (Hit that, Trucker!)

In my American Dream
Where you free to smoke a bowl while you're smokin' a Virginia ham
It's a super-8 film of a man and a woman with another woman and another man
(and another woman)
Iowa corn, the Little Big Horn, a fresh juicy Georgia peach
And a fraternity guy in a wet tighty-whitey competition in Daytona Beach (I'm stupid!)

A baseball glove, a leather zipper mask, cold beer from a can
The way motion lotion heats up with friction in the palm of a friendly neighbor's hand
(Thanks, friend!)
Checkin' out New York, Chicago, San Francisco
After two or three hits of my bong
Grab my fleshy love handles and hold on tight
'Cause friend I want to take you along

On My American Dream
Drinkin' Crazy Horse Malt Liquor in the parking lot of Disneyland
It's a three hour amateur porn compilation shot only with a Handycam
(Hold still, hold still…)
It’s the lonesome whistle of a diesel in the distance
Of a derailing Amtrak train (oh, shit!)
And a five cent deposit on every single fucking can and bottle that you buy in Maine
Oh and from the Florida sands to the Grand Coulee Dam
Oh say, well man can you see?
My star-spangled manhood by dawn’s early light
Under the big top naked with me
Sharin’ My American Dream

(Give blood, they won’t take ours!

Oh shit, there’s that beer bottle.)


Monday, December 06, 2004

Surprise, surprise...

Tapping the next blog button I came across the conservative blog The Royal Flush. It linked to this political persuasion test. I took it. I am a:

You Are a New School Democrat

You like partying and politics - and are likely to be young and affluent.

You're less religious, traditional, and uptight than most Democrats.

Smoking pot, homosexuality, and gambling are all okay in your book.

You prefer that the government help people take care of themselves.

Sunday, December 05, 2004

Signs of the Season

Jupiter is about to duck behind the moon. This astronomical event, called occultation, will occur this Tuesday, December 7th.

That's right- on Delaware Day. It's kind of spooky, isn't it?

Was it an occultation that the Magi saw on their way to Bethlehem? Could be...this guy thinks so... turns out the "Star of Bethlehem" night have been Jupiter hiding behind the moon @ April 17th 6 B.C. , and the event might be depicted on Roman coins. I love stuff like this.

Apparently, Out of the 48 contiguous United States, only Washington, Oregon and
California are completely shut out of this sky show...

Is it because these are blue states? It works in mysterious ways.

Checking out the wikipedia listing on atheism (this is what I do on a Sunday morning) I came across this delightful quote from Bush pere:

"I don't know that atheists should be regarded as citizens, nor should they be regarded as patriotic. This is one nation under God." -G.H.W.B. 1987

Wait... I'm getting another message from Jesus (you don't think I am? Prove it. Oh, you can't? I like this game) and Mr. Christ tells me he's always thought George H. W. Bush was a toady, a bad father, and an asshole. And he shot JFK.

Golly. Jesus seemed a little snerky.

I found The Gospel of Christian Atheism online. I have a paperback of it in storage somewhere. I bought it based on the title alone in a used bookstore on South Street in Philadelphia. I never read it. Hey- howsbout YOU read it and tell me what it's about? Thanks. I'm busy.

Friday, December 03, 2004

i'm going to miss the radio...

at first i was angry with howard stern, but i'm starting to forgive him.

it's sort of how i feel about steve martin. i kinda hold him responsible for the rudening of america. remember when he created that whole "excuuuuuuuuse me!" persona? remember when that became a huge catch phrase and everybody started saying it as a joke? then they started really meaning it. then we couldn't stop thinking it. about everybody. everybody else. all those other people, the ones in our way. the clueless ones. like at the grocery store or the mall or in their cars. especially other people in their cars.

steve martin started road rage.

and now howard stern is arming the taliban. when howard moves to privatized radio the poor will be Left Behind. (and if it follows the tim lahaye model then we LB's will have to fight against the forces of evil until howard returns.)

the public "free" radio airwaves will become more and more conservative. the closed minded won't pay for radio and the poor and uneducated won't be able to. we'll be easy pickins for the moralizing hypocrites who drone on and on on more and more stations. next we'll hear even more from the religious right who seem to be taking over their share of the free tv. the american taliban will thrive. the divide will deepen. i don't know where it will lead but it doesn't look pretty.

at first i was angry with howard, but i'm starting to understand. this week they've really started cutting his show to shit. and it's not just the sex stuff they're censoring. big chunks are getting skipped about his future and who knows what? he must feel like there is no place for him. it's the only thing he can do. i wish he would rethink it and stay here and fight. it's kind of like deciding not to move to canada. a true believer has to stay and fight as long as they can. think about coming back soon, howard.

for now, i'll just have to settle for listening to janeane garafalo calling jerry falwell a dick like she's doing right now on air america. you go janeane!

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Hey W., you're in Joe's chair...

Hey, W., you're in Joe's chair... Posted by Hello

From Wonkette today.

Only 5 days to Delaware Day! Have you started decorating yet?