Monday, May 30, 2005

Bad Liberal!

Took this little quiz into my own tiny little heart of darkness... just what I feared...

Deadly Sins

Sloth: 80%

Gluttony: 60%

Wrath: 40%

Envy: 0%

Greed: 0%

Lust: 0%

Pride: 0%

Chance She Would Go to Hades: 26%
(if there was such a thing)

She will die while sleeping - and no one will notice.
(You hear that Dutchman! Stay alert!)

So here's what I think about these results: I am so fkng lazy that I can't even get it up enough to care that I'm lazy. No one else knows how lazy I am. I tell people all the time how lazy I am and they don't believe me, but I know it. I'm lazy in my heart. And that's where it really, really counts. Sure, I do a bunch of stuff. But I'm just doing all that stuff to get it out of the way so I can lay around later. No plans. Just want to lay around.

And as far as gluttony goes, I just imagine Homer Simpson saying this, "Mmmmm, gluttony, aauuuugggghhhhh..." and drooling over the very word like a meat donut. Mmmmmmm, donut made of meat, auuuuggggggghhhhh....

But what makes me a really bad liberal, what brings me to my knees in self flagellation is my wrath. I am vengeful. I long to spit in the face.... no, maybe laugh in the face... don't know if i can bring myself to laugh, it's not a laughing matter... damn it, can't even get joy from the "told you soes!" Well, let's just start by rounding up the fools.

I guess I'd start with that fking asshole who thought up "freedom fries" and "freedom toast." Yeah, you, Walter B. Jones, Jr.! Come on down, dinkus!

But then I read
this piece about you and I can't do it.

I can still send out a big hearty FUCK YOU to Sinclair Broadcast Group for their newly climbed heights in hypocrisy. It seems that this year they approve of Nightline's Memorial Day selection, unlike last year when it "coincided with May ratings sweeps." Well la-di-fucking-da to you assholes. I'd like to really rip you a new one but the truth is I'm finding it hard to get behind this in a heartfelt wrathful way too because what we're talking about is this:

While such hypocrisy is worth noting, the real issue here is the horror which underlies the upcoming May 30 "Nightline" broadcast.

Last year, anchor Ted Koppel named and pictured 721 American service members who had died in Iraq. This year, the show will honor the "more than 900" people who have died since then. Yes, this year's broadcast will include those killed in Afghanistan, but 907 of those deaths were in Iraq, according to figures compiled by Sixty U.S. troops have been killed this month alone, the highest number since January.

Tens of thousands of Americans pay close and constant attention to what is happening in Iraq — including those who are stationed there or are at risk of being sent there, or those who have friends or family members serving there.

But for tens of millions of Americans, the war is ignored or forgotten more often than not. Really, how often do you hear people talking about it in your neighborhood or workplace?

The deaths of American soldiers don't even make the top story on the TV news anymore, or the front page of the newspapers. The thousands of wounded never did. Nor the tens of thousands of Iraqi civilians killed and maimed.

The bloody, violent machine just keeps grinding away in the background — as though, in an echo of the "Star Wars" movies, it is all happening "long ago, in a galaxy far, far away."

So where does this leave me on my path of vengeance? I do wonder about the one close friend I lost near the beginning of this war. I wonder if she's come around yet...

But the truth is, when I do fantasize about each of these folks seeing the light -- both the strangers and the friends -- I still long to offer them a soft place to land. I can't stay angry at a person who believed enough in their country, this country, to stand by it even when it was so difficult. Even when it was wrong. But it was wrong. We were wrong, and "my country wrong or right" is not right. And standing by has never been right.

Maybe I'm just amazed and comforted that there are actually people in this country who are more idealistic than I am. They believed in the ideals of this country even when the evidence strongly suggested that our actions defied and defiled them. I've been disillusioned before. It hurts. And the longer I held on to my beliefs in the face of contradicting facts, the more it hurt when I accepted the truth. The people who are coming to the truth that we have been wrong, that America has been on the wrong side of much of this mess, that we are so much better than we have been behaving, the good folks who are facing the fiddler right now, they have to be hurting.

And we have to be cool. As much as we'd like to rage and rub their faces in it, we are not the prodigal son, they are. We have to stand by and help prepare the feast to welcome them back. It don't seem right. I never understood the raw deal the other brother got in the prodigal son story. I do know though, that if the prodigal one comes to his senses and stays home this time, stays in the light, on the good side of the force then I'll kick back right now and buy a round of meat donuts for everyone!

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Preborn children are waiting.. waiting.. waiting..


Check out their site. Lot's of potential "pre-born" white white white frozen baby seeds! None of those poor, needy, starving colored borny born born babies for you!

Don't worry about your selfish need to go through the "pregnancy experience" or lack of concern for "the least among us," Jesus will understand...

Friday, May 13, 2005

Screaming at the Neighbor

Dear Neighbor,

I would like to let you know a little bit about me and my experience being your neighbor.

Friday night was a warm night. One of the first in a while where we throw the windows open and hope to catch a nice breeze. My family settled in to watch some TV after a long, hectic week.

A moving story came on featuring a book by photographer Nina Berman, "Purple Hearts; Back from Iraq," about wounded vets who have returned from this war. The images from her book are heartbreakingly intimate and, since it was television, audio recordings of the lonely, isolated vets speaking about their experiences accompanied the unflinching and vivid photos.

Halfway through the piece, though, you came out of your house and started up your Harley. The sound -- whether we have the windows open or closed -- is not unlike having a chainsaw dropped into our bedroom.

Then you proceeded to have a conversation. With whom, I don't know since I didn't go to the window to look. But I could hear you yelling quite loudly. That was probably so you could be heard over the sound of the motorcycle. I couldn't hear who you were talking to, though. Maybe you were on the phone?

Before you moved into the neighborhood, if I heard someone yelling as loudly as you do, with or without your bike idling, I would go to the window and make sure that no one was in trouble. However, we gave up watching out for neighbors soon after you moved in when we learned that you just like to yell all the time. You're not mad or anything, you are just loud and apparently must like for everyone in the world to know your business.

So after about ten minutes of idling Harley and yelling, you finally left. And when you did, your "pipes" set off at least one car alarm in their wake!

Here's the thing: If you feel like you are getting negative vibes from your neighbors it's not your imagination. You really do impact us. It's one thing to have a loud party every once in a while or just enjoy life with gusto, but you seem very careless about other folks' space and time. Every time you insert yourself into the middle of our lives univited we resent you. And, lamentably, the result is we that even though we don't know you, we don't like you very much.

We wish it weren't so.

Can you find a solution to this dilemma? It, and you, would be so welcomed.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

I Want To Ride My Bicycle!

Many years back when Cassandra was a successful stage actor trying mightily to break into the lucrative field of industrial films and commercials that San Francisco's shallow market offered to full-time actors, she had a really lousy agent. This agent was cranky and mean and happened to be a former medic from Viet Nam. He had that stare. He also some kind of substance abuse problem that he was battling, and sometimes winning and sometimes not.

Now we all know that stereotype of agents belittling their clients, but this guy -- as I came to find out after I finally left him -- also happened to be screaming at the Casting Directors who would call and request us, the actors, his bread and butter. Not good. And also, it seems, the only way that we ever got work. The CD's had to call and request us since the agent wasn't hustling very much to find us work. Oh, did I also mention that he had substituted his addiction to substances with an addiction to computerized Bridge? Oh yeah, he was a winner.

I was reminded of him yesterday when the reports of the President's mid-week, midday bike ride was inadvertantly disclosed due to the OH SO SCARY, TERRIFYING, LIFE-THREATENING, POSSIBLY EXPLOSIVES-PACKED TWO SEATER CESSNA INVADING THE AIRSPACE OVER THE WHITEHOUSE!!!!

I was reminded of a time that I called my agent on a Wednesday morning to "check in" with him. Some young, gullible volunteer answered the phone and informed me that unfortunately he wasn't there. "He's gone for the weekend." Which fucking weekend? It's Wednesday! Last weekend or next?

Of course, I should give the Prez a break. Scott McClellan, the whitehouse's anally raped press whore, reminds us all that W. just returned "from a four-day trip overseas." Four days of "work" in a row! Must have been some kind of record for the Asshole King...

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

The Phone's For You.

Today's a National Day of Rest! From what, you ask? From your kid getting phone calls from Army Recruiters like this:
"Hey Chris, this is Sgt. Kelt with the army, man. I think we got disconnected. Okay, I know you were on your cell, probably, and just had a bad connection or something like that. I know you didn't hang up on me. Anyway, by federal law you got an appointment with me at 2 o'clock this afternoon. You fail to appear and we'll have a warrant. Okay? So give me a call back."

And you thought telemarketers were bad.

In case you don't already know it, if your school receives federal funds (and most do) then they have signed on to "No Child Left Behind." Part of that legislation requires that all high schools provide home addresses and phone numbers of students to military recruiters. Now, I've told folks that in the past and they thought that wasn't such a bad thing. But maybe they hadn't thought through the whole threat with arrest thing. That coupled with no exit strategy in Iraq and the drumbeat for war in Iran and I think it's starting to feel a little drafty in here, do you?

You can opt out your kid (girls count too!), but you have to take action. Go here for more info.



Friday, May 06, 2005

Jesus Christ does not like the "Rev." Chan Chandler

This fascist preacher, "Rev." Chan Chandler is excommunicating people from his church for being Democrats.

Read about it here.

He's excommunicating people for not supporting Bush, but says his actions are not politically motivated.

Look- another dumb right winger!

I bet Jesus Christ, Lord, Saviour, Liberal, Hippie, would like to sock this hick in the nose.

People should call this guy and get him straight with God. 1-828-456-6841 .

UPDATE: Amuse Yourself has more ways to reach out to Chan Chandler and share the glory of Christ's message of peace and love, and a handy reminder that his actions very well may get him and his church in trouble with the IRS.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

feeling listless?

don't know how i found this place, but i did.

1. Sock Won Ahn 2. Flores Atonal 3. Sadsamboon Auskundey 4. Juan Baez 5. Betty Ballnik 6. Charles Balls 7. Tasha Baloney 8. Young Duk Bang 9. Olufemi Banjo 10. R. Beaglehole 11. B.B. Beans 12. Miyojo Beauregard 13. Fnu Beauty 14. Bonnie Beavers 15. Minnie Beavers 16. Bertha Beggs 17. Yuk Lam Chow 18. A. Beveridge 19. Melody Bible 20. Gaspard Bigumanshaka 21. Boris Bimbad 22. Homeric Bio 23. Bad Bird 24. Maria Bizarro 25. Tipton Blish 26. Tatiana Bliss 27. Xavorie Blithe 28. Gene Blood 29. Joe Blow 30. Brenda Bone 31. D. Boone 32. Bob Boop 33. Walled Booze 34. Desiree Botts 35. Roddy Bottum 36. Harry Box 37. Dora Bozo 38. Zil Brill 39. Bing Bu 40. Elmo Bugg 41. Yolanda Buggs 42. Chester Bumper 43. Fuller Bumpers 44. Seymour Bush 45. Harry Butole 46. Bambi Canada 47. Andre Canty-Swapp 48. Clint Catalyst 49. Garland Cheeks 50. Tom Chestnutwood 51. Pick Chew 52. Merrily Chopp 53. Jew Chow 54. Yuk Lam Chow 55. Lolita Corpus 56. Kelly Cream 57. Clarice Crisp 58. Goldie Crummie 59. Catalina Cruz 60. Phuoc Cum 61. Aftan Dada 62. Jeffrey Damnit 63. Long Dang 64. Phat Dong 65. Ima Diva 66. Slippy Dogg 67. Peppermint Dooley 68. Lesbia Dubon 69. Nap Dung 70. Bert Dunk 71. Phuc Duong 72. Hope Faust 73. Foxy Felt 74. Misty Flatt 75. Stone Fleshman 76. P. Flushman 77. Buffy Frankenstein 78. Eric Fromm 79. M. Gandhi 80. Fanny Gay 81. Chuckles Geddes 82. Happy Gilmour 83. Pride Grinn 84. Ha Ha 85. Suk Ham 86. Ida Harden 87. O. Harder 88. Bong Hipolito 89. Bich Ho 90. Phuc A Ho 91. Harry Hyman 92. Hoo Tin Jew 93. Brigit Jones 94. Keng Kong —95. Tom Christie


Don't forget, today is the annual


"But, hey," you say, "I don't know what the hell to pray for!" Well don't you worry your pretty little head. These particular christians don't care if you're stoopid! Just follow them, little sheep:

The Freedom Five
Freedom Five is an initiative that challenges you to commit to prayer for our country on a daily basis. It involves praying for five minutes a day about five centers of power. By targeting these specific areas, America can experience the freedom that accompanies God’s power.

Pray that the Lord would grant wisdom, discernment and boldness to those who serve in authority over us, from city council members to the President. Also lift up appointed officials such as judges, cabinet members and agency heads, as well as the men and women in our military.

Pray for journalists to be fair and accurate and for entertainers to conduct themselves in a responsible manner.

(Didja hear that fellow Patriot Actors??)

Pray that your schools will get “back to basics” when it comes to educating our children, instilling the leaders of tomorrow with a respect for the Judeo-Christian values upon which our nation was founded.

Pray for your churches and their leaders while asking God to grant us the wisdom and vision to make the church a vessel for healing and revival in America.

Pray daily, not only for the institution of the family as a whole, but for individual families within your circle of influence that may be struggling.

“I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone—for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness.”
— 1 Timothy 2:1-2 (NIV)

But whether you listen to your god or not, you better listen to your commander in chief:

NOW, THEREFORE, I, GEORGE W. BUSH, President of the United States of America, do hereby proclaim May 5, 2005, as a National Day of Prayer. I ask the citizens of our Nation to give thanks, each according to his or her own faith, for the liberty and blessings we have received and for God's continued guidance and protection. I also urge all Americans to join in observing this day with appropriate programs, ceremonies, and activities.

"Wow," you say, "that's intense. But what about that Judeo-Christian thing back there in the Freedom Five under "Education?" What if I just want to pray to the Judeo part, or maybe even the Buddha or Mohammed or Zeus god? Do they count? I mean they all preach peace and love for your fellow man, so they count, don't they?"

mmmmm, uh, NO! What a fuck up you are, you heathen! And don't just take my word for it! In order to get the nifty downloads from the Pray Day site you have to agree to all of their evangelical terms like number three:

We affirm that there is only one Savior and only one gospel, although there is a wide diversity of evangelistic approaches. We recognize that everyone has some knowledge of God through his general revelation in nature. But we deny that this can save, for people suppress the truth by their unrighteousness. We also reject as derogatory to Christ and the gospel every kind of syncretism and dialogue which implies that Christ speaks equally through all religions and ideologies. Jesus Christ, being himself the only God-man, who gave himself as the only ransom for sinners, is the only mediator between God and people. There is no other name by which we must be saved. All men and women are perishing because of sin, but God loves everyone, not wishing that any should perish but that all should repent. Yet those who reject Christ repudiate the joy of salvation and condemn themselves to eternal separation from God. To proclaim Jesus as "the Savior of the world" is not to affirm that all people are either automatically or ultimately saved, still less to affirm that all religions offer salvation in Christ. Rather it is to proclaim God's love for a world of sinners and to invite everyone to respond to him as Savior and Lord in the wholehearted personal commitment of repentance and faith. Jesus Christ has been exalted above every other name; we long for the day when every knee shall bow to him and every tongue shall confess him Lord.
And in case that wasn't clear enough -- in case you were thrown off by all that presidential hooey about "each according to his or her own faith," here's their "Official Policy Statement on Participation of 'Non-Judeo-Christian' Groups in the National Day of Prayer:"

The National Day of Prayer was created by an act of Congress and is, therefore, intended for all peoples of faith to pray to the God of their understanding.

However, our expression of that involvement is specifically limited to the Judeo-Christian heritage and those who share that conviction as expressed in the Lausanne Convenant. If peoples of other faiths wish to celebrate in their own tradition, they are welcome to do so, but we must be true to those who have supported this effort and volunteered their time to promote it. National Day of Prayer is not a function of the government and, therefore, a particular expression of it can be defined by those who choose to organize it. This is not a church/state issue.

Nope, this ain't no "church/state" issue. This is an us/them issue. These particular christians worked hard for this Day of Prayer shit and you didn't so screw you and your god(s)! Got it? Good!

So baaa, baaa, baa, bow your knee little lamb and pray.

Praise Jesus!

And just remember what JesusPuppet said to me when I asked Him if he had time to listen to all my prayers:

"Of course I listen to all of your prayers, Cassandra. That is why the tsunami happened."


Sunday, May 01, 2005

Arlington West- May 1, 2005

Originally uploaded by Dutchman3000.

Originally uploaded by Dutchman3000.

Originally uploaded by Dutchman3000.

Stopped by Arlington West today, by the Santa Monica Pier. There is a touring version out there right now- you can read their road diary here.
Filled out a form for Sgt. Tyler Prewitt. He was 22 years old when he died.

Army Sgt. Tyler D. Prewitt, 22, of Phoenix, Arizona
Prewitt died September 28, 2004 in Landstuhl, Germany, from injuries sustained in Baqubah, Iraq, on September 24, 2004 when a rocket-propelled grenade struck his vehicle and exploded.
He was assigned to 2nd Battalion, 2nd Infantry Regiment, 1st Infantry Division, Vilseck, Germany.
We need to wrap this war up, and soon.