Saturday, January 29, 2005

Mullah = Preacher

tell me what you think about this:

"The immediate goals of the attacks would be to destroy, or at least temporarily derail, the US' ability to go nuclear. But there are other, equally purposeful, motives at work. The government consultant told me that the terrorists ... have been planning a limited attack on the US because they believe it could lead to a toppling of the religious leadership. “Within the soul of the US there is a struggle between secularists and reformers, on the one hand, and, on the other hand, the fundamentalist ... movement.” ... “The minute the aura of invincibility which the preachers enjoy is shattered ... the US will collapse”—like the former Communist regimes in Romania, East Germany, and the Soviet Union."

Just a little fun with words... i substituted "US" for "Iran," "preachers" for "mullahs" and "terrorists" for "hawks in the pentagon."

This is how Sy Hersch's article read originally:

The immediate goals of the attacks would be to destroy, or at least temporarily derail, Iran’s ability to go nuclear. But there are other, equally purposeful, motives at work. The government consultant told me that the hawks in the Pentagon, in private discussions, have been urging a limited attack on Iran because they believe it could lead to a toppling of the religious leadership. “Within the soul of Iran there is a struggle between secular nationalists and reformers, on the one hand, and, on the other hand, the fundamentalist Islamic movement,” the consultant told me. “The minute the aura of invincibility which the mullahs enjoy is shattered, and with it the ability to hoodwink the West, the Iranian regime will collapse”—like the former Communist regimes in Romania, East Germany, and the Soviet Union. Rumsfeld and Wolfowitz share that belief, he said.

See, we can't afford that fancy pay teevee that you folks call cable, so we get stuck watchin LOTS o' jesus teevee at night when we get tired of all the infomercials. jesus teevee is pretty similar to the infomercials -- seems to be even more hard sell most of the time -- but when they're not trying to sell you jesus, they sometimes run a rock video or a moovie that runs along the theme of religious persecution. the way they tell it, in the very near future, all them christian folks are gonna be locked up in jail and torn away from their kids and have to always be on the run just for being christian. they'll be running from folks wearing jumpsuits with words like "ONE" or "U.N" emblazoned on them.

now, i always wonder why they're so friggin paranoid, since as an atheist, i'm more along the lines of live respectfully and let live respectfully... but now that i really understand that this administration is out there specifically targeting the preachers waaaay across the planet, i see why they're itchy.

i say the fucking bullies better sleep with one eye open...

Friday, January 28, 2005

Thank You Barbara Boxer!

Those Repugnicunts just don't get it!

For the first time in a long time, I have a representative who is representin! Representing me! And she's my representative.

Better than Bill Clinton ever dreamed of.

And the Pugs think that's a bad thing. What fucking morons.

Check this site out. They call her "Left of Liberal!" I don't know what the fuck they mean by that, but I'm sure I am one.

I'm also proud to consider myself a "Michael Moore Liberal." And I pretty much would give my left arm to Norman Lear if he asked -- especially if I could keep it attached to my left shoulder. The Pugs attack him on that site too -- ooooooooooh! He made sitcoms and gives his money to lefty artists. Boo!

The Pugs claim she's aggressive! and scolding! and that other democrats told her to "go girl!"

And fifth in the litany of charges against Boxer -- hold on to something -- "Boxer Even Got Off Jury Duty 'To Prepare For … Hearings Of Condoleezza Rice.'”

Yep. That ... bad.... Senator! Read on -- if you can...

“When Sen. Barbara Boxer showed up for hometown jury duty in Marin County a little while back, she gave the judge a unique excuse for why she couldn’t serve: ‘I need to prepare for the confirmation hearings of Condoleezza Rice.’” (Phillip Matier and Andrew Ross, “Battling Boxer Just Doin’ What Comes Naturally,” San Francisco Chronicle, 1/23/05)


And just compare that to this story that's abrewin...

Gonzales was instrumental in getting Bush excused from jury duty in 1996 -- a move that allowed the governor to avoid having to disclose that he had been arrested for drunken driving in Maine in 1976, the Chronicle reported. Bush was able to keep it a secret until the final days of his 2000 presidential campaign.

Now that's scumbaggy enough, but he is a lawyer... (sorry, lawyers, but you know who you are. I personally gave up debate club about two weeks in. I am not capable of sincerely arguing both sides of an argument. I care too much about one side over the other.)


Phew. Guess that'll be the end of him, right?

As T-Bones and The Naked Trucker say:

When Bill Clinton Lied -- NOBODY DIED!


Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Aural Sex

Al Franken hasn't yet found a winner for his Bill O'Reilly Impersonation Contest at Air America.

He's offered up the transcript from what he calls the "he said, she taped" phone sex harassment case and asked listeners to do their best blowhard (hard blow?).

He's hoping that Andrea Mackris will submit the real tapes for the contest. Then Mr. O'Reilly will call in and say "Hey, that's me!" and sue Ms. Mackris for breach of gag, thereby exposing himself (I know, pun opportunities abound).

Well, we here at Patriot Actors put on our Imagination Hats and started wondering what it might sound like if those icky, icky words came outta somebody else's mouth... like... hmmm...

Rush O'Reilly

or George W. O'Reilly (careful, this one starts a little on the loud side)

or, since we are lefties -- waaaay lefties -- we are equal opportunity satirists so howzabout William Jefferson O'Reilly? (This one perks Cassandra up quite a bit.)

Hey, Air America, congrats on coming to KTLK in LA! Need any help? I'm underemployed!

Sunday, January 23, 2005

Joe Trippi will end up being Howard Dean's Dick Morris

That's what Cassandra sees.

And this time it's not just from looking into the future. See, I have a brief, sordid past in politics during which I happened to bump into Trippi from time to time and yes, he was a trip. He must have been younger then, but he looked even older...

The year was 1987 and he was working on Dick Gephardt's presidential campaign. He was one of the white boys -- what we called the inner circle, not all white and not all boys (it included Donna Brazile, for example, and another female political thinker whom I greatly admired. I ended up driving her to the airport after she was physically threatened in a white boy meeting. I won't say by whom but I will say that the rest of the "fellas" sat idly by and watched ... oooh I digress...)

Anyways, Trippi always seemed to be in a bad mood. Always seemed to be grumbling about something. I just gave him shit for it because I had absolutely nothing to lose. What the fuck were they going to do to me? Fire me? They weren't paying me. They were supposed to be, but they weren't. Were they going to leave me in Iowa or South Dakota or Michigan or Bumfuck USA? I had already stowed enough campaign drafts and a copy of the rental car keys so that I could get home. And I made sure to stay in public places, like the campaign HQ so that I wouldn't be physically harmed. (I was young and naive -- I was working in politics because I wanted to change things for god's sake!)

The rumor about Trippi was that during Mondale's campaign he had been the field rep in Sioux City, IA. Field Reps are placed early, sometimes two years out from the election or caucuses (cauci?) to meet folks and make real connections and organize for The Candidate. Supposedly, the folks in Sioux City hated Trippi so much that he showed up one day and found his desk and his whole office set up on the snowy sidewalk outside the HQ and all the buiding's locks changed. Sioux City was one tough city, believe me. I personally felt the wrath of one mean fucking granny up there. But they were also relentlessly honest. They knew what to do with a jerk when they smelled him.

So when I heard that Trippi was Dean's campaign manager, I had to pass on Dean. T'was a bit painful, because Dean seemed cool and all, but Kucinich was even cooler for me. (Really Left -- hear that DLC? Hear that folks who want to deny being Michael Moore Democrats?) But I wouldn't have minded backing a more "viable" candidate.

But during the primaries, I want the luxury of my convictions. During the 92 primaries I didn't support Clinton because I figured if he couldn't handle his private life, couldn't be honest with his wife, he couldn't handle the presidency -- HOWEVER, IF THE CHOICE WAS BETWEEN HIM AND A FUCKING WARMONGER LIKE BUSH THE FIRST, THE CHOICE IS FUCKING EASY!

So I didn't support Dean because I couldn't trust Trippi. I walked away from the Gephardt campaign knowing this: Gephardt may have been the best boyscout in town, but ultimately he was surrounded by CROOKS! Sometimes violent, always ruthless, definitely corrupt, ultimately short-sighted and self serving -- hey, they sound like republicans! I learned that politix, at least presidential campaign politix is a team sport. And it's all about the white boys. They get together and pick their team and their agenda in the back room and kill off the weak and idealistic visionaries in the process. Then all the ruthless bloodsuckers who are left pick a clean looking mascot.

(I've heard that nobody dislikes Gephardt. Good. I liked him a lot. But I wouldn't trust the rest of those assholes I worked with to tell me which way the door swings. And Trippi was one of those assholes.)

And this funny thing happened during the Dean campaign. Dean fired Trippi one day and then a couple of days later there was this mysterious disclosure that the Dean campaign was basically broke! Hmmmm. And nobody ever seemed to link those two events... There was some talk about the fact that Trippi had put most of the money into ad buys -- ad buys that carried commissions that went to a political consulting firm that Trippi had interest in! But Trippi denied having any conflict of interest? Give me a break.

And now Trippi is saying that he doesn't back Dean for head of the DNC. What a fucking jerk. Isn't that a big surprise.

Of course Dean is looking to replace Terry McAuliffe as the current head of the DNC. That name is also familiar to me. McAuliffe was the treasurer of the Gephardt campaign! Those previously mentioned "drafts" that I had stowed to get myself back home when the campaign folded? Those were great. They looked like checks but they weren't. They are hard to explain, mainly because I didn't understand them fully, but they said "Gephardt Presidential Campaign" on them. This meant something in some parts of the country, like seeing a movie star means something outside of Hollywood or New York. It didn't mean much in Iowa or New Hampshire -- actually got threats and giggles from those in the know, those who had gotten stiffed by other campaigns. The thing is, they were drawn on some bank that I was told was owned or run or managed by.... Terry McAuliffe, the Finance Manager of the Gephardt Campaign. I always imagined that it only had one branch and that was basically on wheels, like a construction trailer. And as soon as the campaign folded the one and only branch of The Bank of Terry McAuliffe would pack up and disappear.

That's more or less what happened. That and a stolen rental car... but I don't want to incriminate myself ... I mean my friends... or my acquaintances. Chalk it all up to youthful indiscretion, right? I mean, after all, I was 22.

What's Trippi's excuse?


Saturday, January 22, 2005

Straight Bob JesusBoots

More on The Dumbest Thing I've Ever Heard (tm)

Woke up yesterday to hear both KFI AM Los Angeles (serving Fake News and Right-Wing Nuttery for far too long) and ABC News (anchored by a CANADIAN!) both report as fact that Nile Rodgers' We Are Family Foundation did create a video that promoted homosexuality.

It's a quirky story with heroes and villains, folks, but here are some links to get to the truth. Since the media is just gonna lie and goof on this creepy right wing stunt, here- just judge for yourself.

First, here's Nile Rodgers' We Are Family Foundation:

Here's the pledge that's causing all the trouble:

"Tolerance is a personal decision that comes from a belief that every person is a treasure. I believe that America's diversity is its strength. I also recognize that ignorance, insensitivity and bigotry can turn that diversity into a source of prejudice and discrimination.

To help keep diversity a wellspring of strength and make America a better place for all, I pledge to have respect for people whose abilities, beliefs, culture, race, sexual identity or other characteristics are different from my own.

Now that pledge comes from, an offshoot of the Southern Poverty Law Center.

Here's the site for the homosexual support group from South Carolina , WeAreFamily, that's caused some confusion on behalf of a few "Christians":

And here's the sanctimonious Focus on the Family:

My guess is that someone at Focus on the Family understandably confused the two groups both using the name "We Are Family." When they assumed the actual gay activist We Are Family was issuing a a videotape directly to schools featuring SpongeBob SquarePants, that must have jolted them right through their sensible shoes. I mean, BINGO! Smoking Gun! One more off the Rapture Ready checklist (the Left Behind Scorecard?).

But then Nile Rodgers burst their bubble by pointing out that it was his unity-and-diversity-and-stuff group issuing the videotape to 60 million-odd schools. Not the gay group- the anti-racism group.

Looks like the Jesus Squad had blown it, coming off like a bunch of yokels (a-gin! dadnurbit!... oops..forgive me, Lord) - UNTIL they checked into the website of Rodgers' group and found the tolerance pledge, which of course does ask people to pledge to be tolerant of people even if they're swishy, and SHA-ZAAM! They pull out of the nose dive and they're back on the trail of the homosexual agenda! Whew! Even though the tolerance pledge isn't on the tape at all, anywhere.

Of course, it's Tinky-Winky all over again. And at the end of the day Jerry Falwell did succeed in making Twinky-Winky into a gay icon. The same thing may happen with SpongeBob now- the gay community adopts SpongeBob as another icon of protest, and Focus on the Family get to snort, swish their forked tails, and sputter "we told you he was a faggot."

Mission Accomplished.

Friday, January 21, 2005

Days of repose? Sabbatical?

Days of repose? Days of sabbatical?

As Al Franken just pointed out on Air America, in August, 2001, Bush was busy watching Barney chase "armadillas" when he received that PDB.

He was in repose. He was on sabbatical.

His dig against the Clinton 90's notwithstanding, Clinton did "shake the trees" and prevented the Millenium attack- he saved MY CITY from a terrorist attack.

When I lived in New York City on 9/11/01, Bush did NOTHING to prevent an attack on my city.

Thank you , President Clinton, for protecting me.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Draft Board Application

When the draft is reinstated there will be local draft boards. The members of those draft boards will decide the fates of young men and women chosen to go to war.

Who do you want to decide the fate of your children? Your nieces or nephews? Your students? Your friends' or neighbors' children?

Do you want that rich right-wing bigot across town only sending the poor brown folks to war? Fine, then. Don't sign up.

Do you want to make sure the process is fair? Then fill out an application here.

There's more than one way to serve your country. We don't all have to pick up a gun and shoot strangers.


Are YOU a Communist?


Please God, Take Them NOW!

As a confirmed atheist, I do solemnly pray to GOD that the RAPTURE happens NOW! COME JESUS COME!

Won't it be so much more peaceful when we are all left behind? When all of those hatefilled, holier-than-thou-bigots are gone?

Some of them truly believe that it is their DUTY to USE UP the earth's resources before they go. That when GOD said, in the beginning, to go forth and multiply and have dominion over the earth, that HE meant suck up all the oil and use up all the available clean air and water before HE sends his SON back the second time around to collect up their dirty little souls. Don't believe me? Check this out:
James Watt, a professing evangelical, who became U.S. Secretary of the Interior under Ronald Reagan in the early 1980s. In his article, "Ours Is the Earth," and numerous articles since 1981, he made clear that he viewed earth as "merely a temporary way station on the road to eternal life...The earth was put here by the Lord for His people to subdue and to use for profitable purposes on their way to the hereafter."
What an asshole! Did that mean that they are supposed to go around claiming up all the water as theirs and selling it back to the poor folks, too? Is that the CHRISTIAN WAY? I DON'T THINK SO!

So, hey, GOD, if you really are up there, sitting around on your THRONE, stroking your long white beard as you watch your million channel K-GOD TV Network and every once in a while entertaining yourself with a tsunami or earthquake or mudslide just for FUN FUN FUN, whydon'tcha call all your sheeple home now? Then you and them -- especially them -- can leave us the fuck alone.

BONUS! Check out this site! It shows pictures of the actual mansions you can expect to live in in heaven. Apparently there is a class system in heaven too! (Further reinforcing observations that modern conservative christianity is all about gimme gimme gimme, what can i get in exchange for my soul? -- and not about helping the downtrodden - Come Jebus! Come! Relieve us of these selfish pigs!)


Tuesday, January 18, 2005

First Words Out of Her Mouth

Baring her gapped teeth...

Ms. Rice on the hill today.

The first words out of her mouth were "September 11th, 2001..." (ok- after the kissy-kissy thank yous...)

9/11. The best thing that ever happened to her.

You know what, I'll question your integrity forever, you liar. You toady. You hack.

The time for diplomacy is NOW? No, now it's time for the quagmire. All that study of the Soviet Union she did at the Hoover Institute- did she skip the section on the Soviets in Afghanistan? Or did she just watch Rambo 3 and call it a night?

What do you say, Joe?

"Despite our great military might we are in my view more alone in the world than we've been in any time in recent memory. The time for diplomacy, in my view, is long overdue," Biden said.

Happy belated Delaware Day, Joe.

Friday, January 14, 2005

Aw shucks, I didn't mean "bring 'em on" like that.

Isn't it fun to witness President Gump's on-the-job training?

"Sometimes, words have consequences you don't intend them to mean," Bush said Thursday. "'Bring 'em on' is the classic example, when I was really trying to rally the troops and make it clear to them that I fully understood, you know, what a great job they were doing. And those words had an unintended consequence. It kind of, some interpreted it to be defiance in the face of danger. That certainly wasn't the case."

On July 2, 2003, two months after he had declared an end to major combat in Iraq, Bush promised U.S. forces would stay until the creation of a free government there. To those who would attack U.S. forces in an attempt to deter that mission, Bush said, "My answer is, Bring 'em on."
In the week after the September 11 attacks, Bush was asked if he wanted bin Laden, the terrorist leader blamed for the attacks, dead. "I want justice," Bush said. "And there's an old poster out West, that I recall, that said, 'Wanted, Dead or Alive."'Recalling that remark, Bush told the reporters: "I can remember getting back to the White House, and Laura said, 'Why did you do that for?' I said, 'Well, it was just an expression that came out. I didn't rehearse it.'
I find it hard to believe that the book-lurnin' Laura Bush actually asked him "WHY did you to do that for?" "WHAT did you do that for?" maybe... (sigh...) Sometimes words have unintended consequences? You get that now? Aw, good for you, Georgie. Here's a cookie. Now it's nap time, you miserable fuck. What other words have "unintended consequences?" Words like "we know Iraq has WMDs?" "Mission Accomplished?" How about "smoking gun in the form of a mushroom cloud?" No, I think those last words had very intended consequences.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005


Mr. Bush told editors and reporters of The Washington Times yesterday in an interview in the Oval Office that many in the public misunderstand the role of faith in his life and his view of the proper relationship between religion and the government. "I think people attack me because they are fearful that I will then say that you're not equally as patriotic if you're not a religious person," Mr. Bush said. "I've never said that. I've never acted like that. I think that's just the way it is."

Oooh, that explains everything...


Sunday, January 09, 2005

Bill O'Reilly's Dream Vacation

As some of you in the reality-based community might already know, The Al Franken Show on our beloved Air America Radio is soliciting impersonations of Bill O'Reilly reading from the deposition in his settled-out-of-court, He Said-She Recorded sexual harrassment case.

I don't do a Bill O'Reilly impersonation (at least I haven't tried to). But Z thought I should do some of her faves reading about the shower and the falafel and all that...


Audio not safe for work or children- thanks to the filthy, filthy , filthy mind of one of America's leading Conservative personalities.

You can listen to our submission here. Z did a great job producing and directing and editing and mixing and all that. And the talent isn't half bad.

Read along with W., Rush , and William Jefferson here on The Smoking Gun.

(falafel... what a jack ass...)

Smart Bombs Aren't

That's what my sign said at the pre-Iraq War protests. Someone didn't get it. What's not to get? All those bombs we are told are "smart" are not smart- they are not smarter than the planners that pick the wrong house. They'll hit the wrong house with as much deadly force as they will hit the right house. The other meaning of the sign, of course, is that the use of smart bombs isn't smart policy.

Because they are designed to look good for us on television. This was how they wanted to fix the image problem they had during Viet Nam. They showed us videos of smart bombs walking right in the door, shaking hands, and exploding. Of course, years later we found out they didn't always go to the right house, or office , or factory.

Smart bombs might be smart for neocons who are so cynical that they believe Americans will accept a gizmo war that delivers for us an acceptable level of civilian casualties. We do accept this, of course. Some people think it's neat.

Read A History of Bombing and that whole "it's just a little precision high-tech bombing" security blanket that lets you continue to believe that our leaders are always thinking everything through, that they're always thinking of the big picture, and that they've got a plan, and that those smart bombs make the people we bomb in order to liberate somehow hate us less- that security of conscience evaporates.

Americans Acknowledge Hitting Wrong Target in Iraqi Airstrike, Killing at Least Five; Iraqi Says 14 Killed Oh well, you gotta break a few eggs, right?

Thank you, Micah Ian Wright